Used to live in a big share house in Coopooroo in Brisvagas many years ago, was nine of us livin there.
Twas me and my gf, an awesome chick who had a real grasp on the concept of equality, cool as, and a rage in the bedroom, awesome girl.
Nick 19 and Tina 17, pair of smack freaks and totally out there, but bein smackheads, they were there but not there.
Don, this bikie dude, bout 6 foot 3, ultra long frizzy hair, looked wild as, and always either tripping on mushrooms or acid. Conversation with him was always out there lol.
Max (Maxine) this crazy lil hippy chick up for anything. Same as Don, took anything, and was always off it.
Forget her name, this hot as young blonde, that was a classic ultra dumb blonde, who was dreaming of being a model, but was always just getting screwed by agents (literally) and never once got a job. She was also an epileptic and zoned out of it all the time on savage anti epileptic drugs.
Jenny, a crazy Kiwi chick up for anything that went and wild as.
And there was Dave the punk (genuine 80”s punk).
Mad place, pretty much a permanently shitfaced household. With so many people, with boyfriends, girlfriends, pickups, friends etc, we would often have like 18-20 people for breakfast eh, fkn manic place. You’d wake up on a weekend morning, come out for breakfast , and there were people everywhere.
We lived there for a year or so, I reckon I could do 10 stories easy on that place and that year eh.
The most outrageous character was Dave the Punk. Really nice guy, but totally different, and way out there. He once had really long hair, went punk and shaved his head, but left this long thin pony tail jutting out from his forehead, and a long thin ponytail jutting out at the back, otherwise bald. Covered in these multiple peircings that were all just paperclips and safety pins, and wore totally black everything (of course). All his clothes were covered in holes and in total shreds. He’d come home with a brand new black t shirt, go out back, rub the fk out of it between two bricks, till it was shredded and full of holes, put it on, then come in and ask us what we thought of his new t shirt.
He dreamt of being a saxophone player. He saw a sax in a pawn shop one day, I’ve never forgotten it, it was $1635, and he wanted it real bad. Don and Max use to go fruit picking in the Riverina once a year, picking grapes and other sht. Dave, who had never worked before, got contacts off them, and decided he’d go fruit pickin to see if he could earn $1635 to get the sax.
He hitched to Victoria, got a job fruit picking, worked until he earnt $1635 and hitched back to Brisvagas. No shit, not one dollar more, had no food no drink etc, just earnt $1635 and hitched back lol. He bought the sax, and was so fkn happy. He was gone quite a few weeks and then just walked in one day with this sax ha ha.
Funny thing was he could’nt play for sht, he learnt God Save The Queen and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and that was it! He had a room under the house and that’s all we’d hear, day in day out. Fkn drove us insane, not only badly played, but the worst two songs you could think of. Such a funny sight, this ultra radical punk, covered in safety pins and paper clips, studded belt, studs all over him, totally dressed in black rags, lookin like a seriously heavy bad dude, and playin Twinkle Twinkle Little Star lol. Such a funny sight and sound, and he was really serious about it too which made it even funnier.
Max would come home with a different guy every night, and dump him next day, Don would come home with a different girl all the time, and they would dump him next day cos he was so off it, the blond would be excited about some new modelling prospect every day, but would just be screwed by the agent and be let down yet again, with no chance of a job, and just chuck an epileptic fit. Jenny would be crouched in a corner rocking back and forth, cos she’d be off it, and couldn’t work out why stuff was so weird in Australia, and was always confused.
I seemed to be like the “councellor” of the house, helping Don come down from his current trip, holding the blond in my arms as she came out of her latest epileptic attack, talking to Nick about the perils of taking Heroin, and trying to get him thru his latest OD, comforting Max as she felt let down from by her nightly pickup, who funnily enough didn’t love her at all, trying to help Jenny as she rocked back and forth wondering what life was about. Jeez, it went on and on.
Luckily my girl Kerrie was really together and was no maintenance at all lol. We used to crack up at the mixed bag of dynamics that was our household, fkn funny as, although it was fkn draining at times.
Our landlord appeared one morning, cos there had been so many ppl come and go he had no idea who was on the lease and who wasn’t. He sat down at the dining table and, trying to work out who lived there asked if he could have a list of the tenants so he could keep track. None of us were on the list, the original ppl were long gone lol. Tina wrote out all the names of the tenants and gave him the list. He was holding the paper with the list and didn’t recognise any of the names of course and was wondering what happened to the ppl who had signed the lease originally. Nick came in at this stage and said like wtf, you gave him our names? So Tina snatches the paper off him and said hang on, I made a mistake, and tore it up, then wrote out a list of 9 totally made up names and gave it back to him.
He had only had a glance at the list, hadn’t had time to read it, but he’d seen enough to realise the entire list of names had just totally changed. He hesitated a bit, not sure what to make of it, then went to say something. Nick suddenly stood up, stuck his face right at him and said “got a problem?” with a heavy expression. Um, no, says the landlord. Good says Nick, anything else? No, says the landlord and leaves. AS soon as he left everyone cracked up laughing. We never saw him again. Was just too much for him to cope with, poor bugger.
Max had a cousin come stay for a while, a full on bushy from the Queensland outback. I had this black Kelpie dog called Vege who was young and still a virgin, and Max had a female German Shepherd which Vege was always trying to screw. One weekend morning at breakfast, with the usual horde of people sitting around, Vege was humping away at Max’s dog, while it was totally ignoring him, waiting to score food from all the people having breakfast.
The bushy dude says to me, mate, that dog of yours is so fkn horny, has he ever had sex or what? I’m like nah mate, he’s still a virgin. Fuck he said, the poor buggers so fkn horny, don’t you ever pull him off? Funnily enough, I said no, I don’t fkn pull him off man, wtf! Ah, man, he says, it does them the world of good, my dog gets all horny and agitated, but when I pull him off he calms right down for a few weeks, does them the world of good! I’m just stunned, and don’t know what to say, the whole household the same, just starin at him. He was serious, and just said it matter of factly like everyone pulls off their dog or whatever, EW!
Max was in love with some new guy, Donald, who moved in, a nice guy, really funny as, had an odd sense of humour. He rode a Suzuki 750, the old water cooled bike, I rode a Honda 350 xl, good old school road/trail bike. Don rode a Kawasaki 750 ltd. Anyway, one day Donalds riding down this road and is riding behind a cop car sitting on exactly the 70k speed limit. Donald’s a bit stoned and riding behind this cop car for ages. He gets the paranoids up, and thinks that they are watchin him all the time in the rear view, and they must think he’s a bit sus. So he drops a couple of gears, opens it up, and screams past the cops.
They of course turn on the sirens and flashing lights and are off after him. They pull him over, a cop approaches Donald and is flabbergasted. Why on earth did you do that he asks him. You were sitting right behind us for ages, and then do that, why would you do that? Donalds reply? I figured you were watching me all the time and would thing it was sus that I was just doing the exact speed limit. I thought it would seem weird to you, so I gunned it. The cop was totally stunned at the logic, stared at him, and just said, “fuck off”. Ha ha it was so weird he just let him go.
One night a bunch from the house was in some guys car and we were going out. It was around midnight or so when the driver pulled over outside a bank and said I gotta get some money. We were like what? It’s midnight man, the banks long shut. It’s ok says the guy, I need some cash. Donald gets out with him, they both walk over to the wall of the bank and stand there for a minute then come back to the car and get in. Donald is goin off his face, “you shoulda seen that, he walks up to the wall, pushes some buttons, and fkn money comes out of the wall” We were all like, get the fuck out, what are you talking about? We were stunned, couldn’t work out what the hell he was talking about.
It was true, from this point on people can walk up to a wall, stick a plastic thing in it,
press some buttons, and money comes out. They’re called ATMs.
It was the very first one we had ever seen or heard of and it seemed totally bizarre.
One nice warm day we bought a heap of water pistols and decided to have a water pistol fight. There was probably a dozen or so of us. It started out innocently enuff, everyone tearing around blasting each other, tearing in and out of the house, racing up and down the stairs and leaping off the second story deck onto the carport etc. It got more and more out of control with people grabbing buckets, the front hose and the back hose both made it inside, so with full buckets getting thrown around and two hoses going full belt the household was going off. Totally out of control for a while before we decided to call it off. Even tho we’d all just done it, we were still standing their a bit stunned as we surveyed the damage. We had just totally trashed the whole house.
We decided we would throw a party and we knew it would be pretty big, with 20 or so ppl at the house all the time, it meant that all the friends and friends of friends would be a big crew. We spent a few weeks hunting and picking magic mushrooms storing them up in preparation for the party. We figured it was gonna be good.
The next story will be called ‘The Party” It was the biggest, wildest craziest party I ever went to in my life. So much went on that the household slowly disintegrated after that and we all left. I came down to Tasmania. The aftermath of the party will be an entire story in itself.
2010-01-17, 03:29
