Death or Ooonga Booonga?

Death...or...Oonga Boonga <
3 Guys are shipwrecked on a remote island when they hear this drumming. The head into the jungle and get capture by the headhunters.

The Chief says to the first guy..."Death...or...Oonga Boonga!!!"
Dude says..."Oonga Boonga"
"Very well!!!" Says the Chief "Oonga Boonga" whereupon he tosses him into a cage where he gets cornholed by a 500 pound gorilla,

Chief turns to the 2nd guy..."Death...or...Oonga Boonga!!!"
Shaking a little after witnessing his buddy's atrocity, he thinks a bit and says..."er.....Oonga Boonga"
"Very well!!!" Says the Chief "Oonga Boonga". This guy gets a pineapple shoved up his ass, cornholed by five of the meanest headhunters on the island and then an elephant is brought in which proceeds to remove the pineaple by virtue of it's trunk!

Horrified, the third guy watches and when the activity is finished, his friend is released. The Chief turns to him and askes "Death...or...Oonga Boonga!!!"
The quivering fellows immediately straightens his back juts out his chin and announces "DEATH!!! I choose Death!"

"Very well" says the Chief "Death by Oonga Boonga!"

A man goes to his physician and is shocked to find that he has been replaced by a super-computer. The computer asks him his ailments and the man says he has a sore elbow. A drawer pops out and he is asked to urinate in it. After a few bleeps and flashing lights the computer decides he has tennis elbow.

The man is annoyed and decides to get one over on this machine so he asks his wife for a urine sample. He then mixes this with urine from his dog and his small son and to top it off, adds some of his sperm. He takes it to the computer-physician who again asks him for a sample. He places the urine/sperm sample in the drawer and the computer makes its usual display of bleeps and flashes before telling him that his wife is pregnant, his dog has rabies, his son has chicken pox and if he doesn't stop masturbating he'll never get rid of his tennis elbow.

ardboard Men <



A car gets a flat on the interstate one day.
The blonde driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.
She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing on coming traffic.
The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers.
Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up.
It isn't very long before a police car arrives.
The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What's going on here?"
"My car broke down, officer" says the woman calmly.
"Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?" he asks.
"Helllooooooo!! !!" says the blonde.
"Those are my emergency flashers!"

Did everyone leave? <

A pheasant was standing in a field chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to
get to the top of that tree,” sighed the pheasant, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're
packed with nutrients."

The pheasant pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. And
so on.

Finally, after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree,
whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into the farmhouse,
emerged with a shotgun, and shot the pheasant right out of the tree.

Moral of the story: BullS*** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.